Meanwhile, in Spain, people are probably sacrificing their souls to the devil instead of watching this film. People are setting themselves on fire and running through traffic instead of watching this film. I wish someone had told me that I would rather jump off of a cliff than sit through this film.
Anyway, Deranged (2012) follows three friends, Silvia (Victoria Broom), Mary (Natalia Celino) and Anna (Tabitha Quitman) on a trip to visit their other gal pal, Gabrielle (Marcia Do Vales), in Spain. The girls are amped up for an intense girls’ night in at a giant creepy house in the middle of nowhere.
Completely secluded and remotely private, this location screams slasher film jackpot. As expected, that’s exactly what’s in store. I was in! Until it made me choke on vomit.
Like any independent horror film, we have our share of lewd behavior. One of the girls, Silvia, boasts about her sexual rendezvous and taunts repressed outcast, Mary, to no end. Things turn sour when Gabrielle starts to freak out and suddenly dies. Well, allegedly she dies. I’m trying not to ruin the story here, but as the night progresses, secrets between this girl group are unhashed and they each must confront one question: How well do you know your friends? Apparently, not well at all.
Between unbelievably terrible, almost traumatizingly bad acting, baseless characters so even that if there was a good actor to Superman this film, it’d flop anyway, and a plot so uninteresting, if given a choice, I’d choose an eternity of AP Chemistry classes. Deranged left me feeling like I had been tricked into murdering my dog. It was a complete travesty of film, not fit to show with a projector on a garbage can to blind homeless people.
There are so many things I’m sorry for. I’m sorry for watching this. I’m sorry for writing this. I’m sorry for bringing you down with me. How about we just never talk about it again?
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